first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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