"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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