my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
