Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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