loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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