It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
