im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my poor anus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
