Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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