I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
