The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
