My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
