im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Say something about gay babies.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
