he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
