If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
