I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
