you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
