Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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