Whats the glycemic index on semen?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
