Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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