Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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