She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
