why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
