She's JV to your varsity
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
