apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
