I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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