Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
