Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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