I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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