I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
