I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
