My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
