Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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