I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
