i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
