Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
