Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
