Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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