worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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