oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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