you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
