She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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