i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
