Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't just leave with hair like that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
