I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
