You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
