I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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