life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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