I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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