If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
