So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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