she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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