we have officially lost it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
