I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
