WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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