if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He smells like sex and magic. Iām already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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