I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
